id be glad to
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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