She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
