There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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