I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
