my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
