Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
