We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
