So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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