So drunk its hurt
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
