Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
