just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
