i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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