i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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