Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
