So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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