they need to just BURY HIM!
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
