all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
