What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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