I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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