Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
My ass is underappreciated
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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