Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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