My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
