I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
