It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
soo... how was my night?
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