why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
