i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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