Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
