You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
