They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
