She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
