have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
