who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
