Moan for me like Helen Keller
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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