week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
