I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
