you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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