I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
