is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
