I'm pants shitting drunk right now
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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