Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
