I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
