Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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