too bad you live with your parents still
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He felt like a one man threesome
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
