my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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