The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
