so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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