I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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