SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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