It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
