why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
