I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
