I'm really into asian looking animals
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I love you.
Bad choice
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