Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
